Blog

“Dad marries”, “mom now has a friend” … A lot depends on whether a child with new chosen ones will make friends with new chosen ones. How to choose the time to dating and hold a meeting as competently as possible? Family Psychotherapist Lea Liz gives detailed answers to these and other questions.

Divorce behind, which means sooner or later, most likely, new relations will begin. Many parents are concerned about the question: how to introduce a new partner to the child. How to make his son or daughter accept him?

The psychiatrist and family psychotherapist Lea Liz compiled a list of frequent questions that customers ask her in such situations:

• As I call a new partner – “my friend” or “my girlfriend”?
• When it is appropriate to imagine it or her children?
• Needless to say, this is my new relationship that may not work out?
• Is it necessary to wait until a new connection withstands the test of time if we have already met for several months and everything is seriously?

If the parent, without even living more with the child, is actively involved in his upbringing, it will not be easy to hide the fact that he had someone. Nevertheless, in attracting another adult to the life of children there are risks. It can be useful for a child to expand the horizons and see role models outside of family relationships, but it is still important to take into account that a new acquaintance can lead to the development of attachment, which means that a possible parting with a new partner will affect not only us, but also for children.

Liz gives an example from her own practice. Eight -year -old boy Barry unexpectedly found out that his father had a girlfriend. In the evening on the eve of the weekend that he had to spend with the pope, he called and said that in the house there would be a “cute lady” with them. Barry’s parents did not live together, but talked about to converge again. Sometimes they spent the evenings at dinner and games together, and the boy from the heart enjoyed them.

The child was very upset, learning that another woman appeared in the life of his father. “She now sits in my favorite chair. She is cute, but not like a mother “. When Barry told his mother about his father’s new friend, she became furious. She had no idea that their husband and her husband were over and he met with someone else.

A fight occurred between the parents, and Barry became her witness. Later, instead of being angry with his father for a new relationship, Barry was angry at his mother and began to beat her. He himself could not explain why his anger was aimed at his mother if his father was to blame for the conflict. At the same time, she was able to feel like a victim twice-first because of the betrayal of her ex-husband, and then because of the aggression of her son.

Simple rules

Liz’s recommendations can help diluted parents in a difficult situation of meeting a child with a new partner.

1. Make sure the relationship is quite long and stable, Before adding a child to his equation. Do not rush to talk about what is happening until you are sure that he suits you, endowed with common sense and is ready to take on the parental role at least to some extent.

2. Observe the boundaries. If the child asks a direct question, for example, whether you have sex with someone, you can answer: “This topic applies only to me. I am an adult, and I have the right to private life “.

3. Do not make your child your confident. The biggest problem that the Lea Liz psychotherapist faces is to change roles. If the parent begins to ask the child about what to put on a date, or shares how it has passed, the child is in the

https://peerhatch.com/on-the-job-holwick/

role of an adult. This not only undermines the authority of the mother or father, but can also be confused by the child.

4. Do not give him the role of the messenger. Family Lawyer Diana Adams claims that the situation when children pass the messages from father to mother or vice versa, everything complicates with a divorce.